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Monday Musings holiday fun on travel to London

As it is a Holiday Monday I thought a little frivolity could surface and so, having been reading about the Mayoral campaign on a couple trips to London recently, it strikes me that I might make a suggestion.

One issue for both candidates seemed to be to do something about “the monolith that is Transport for London”. If so, then I ask that they axe the DffTCB; The Department for frustrating ThatConsultantBloke. I have a picture of something like this:

It’s the late shift in the control room and the team are enjoying the fruits of a successful day. TCB had tried to confuse them by traveling in from Didcot Parkway, but they were soon on to that ploy. I’d been a bit slippery for them at Paddington, their closure of the Bakerloo line failing stop me getting a District Line Wimbledon train, but they had caught me out at Barons Court, despatching the Olympia train just as I got to the top of the steps and leaving me out in the rain for 8 long minutes.

With the halls at Olympia being, as always, too hot it had left TCB literally steaming as I dried out whilst walking around the Expo. And then they’d managed to head off my attempt to trick them on the way back to Paddington, spotting my feint towards the station for what it was and predicting that I would double back to the ‘bus stop. With some quick thinking they’d managed to ensure that, of the 4 routes that stop outside Olympia, no buses ran on the only one to serve Paddington for over 20 minutes, but this time the weather Gods were not on their side. They had almost managed to slow the ‘bus that I caught enough to make me miss my booked train back West, but I had abandoned the ‘bus half a mile from the station when it got bogged in traffic and, with a brisk walk, I had made my train with 2 minutes to spare.

But then their reveries were interrupted by a chirp from the computer; the TCB alert was sounding to tell them that he had booked another train ticket to town, this time trying to sneak in and out via Reading on an any route ticket.

They’d have to put someone on me at Reading in case I took the long way round to Waterloo instead of direct to Paddington. If I came straight to Paddington they wouldn’t have much time and so one of the young ladies was assigned to the case and told to pull the fainting routine as they came in towards the terminus knowing that my chivalrous side would ensure I was delayed enough for them to arrange the necessary troubles for me.

All went to plan and I was sufficiently distracted and delayed at Paddington for them to have the underground station closed. As expected I headed for Praed Street and the ‘bus stops, from where they were able to track me onto a service heading south towards Westminster. No problem; they had that service terminated at Marble Arch, but I was quickly onto an alternative heading for Trafalgar Square. A quick call slowed that service to a crawl, but there was nothing that they could do when I got off in Regent Street and hailed a cab, but at least it meant that it cost me a few bob and had taken me well over an hour and a half to get three miles.

So do me a favour Boris, axe the DffTCB and do us all a favour

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