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on immortality
Someone commenting on my upcoming 70th birthday got us into talking about life coming to an end sooner rather than later. This has been on my mind recently anyway; the Berkshire Belle and I took out funeral plans last year. My demise certainly is not too far off in relative terms for reaching the three score years and ten that was, when I was a lad, reckoned to be one’s expectancy as a man.
I long ago came to terms with death, probably some time in my forties and have no problem with shuffling off. I have loved experiencing life and death will be the last experience I get. I would prefer not to linger or suffer too much pain in my demise, but accept that it is coming.
As an atheist I do not believe in any afterlife. Once my heart stops I will be gone and that’s it. Quite honestly the thought that there might be more appalls me regardless of whether it is upstairs or down (and I have no doubt that I would be going down). Life is hard enough without having to go on forever. This line of thought caused some distress to one of my religious friends who thought that it was a bleak outlook, but I don’t think so. It gives me comfort to know that it will, one day, all be over.
I have enjoyed most of my life so far. There are times that I try to forget and there are things that I have done that I would, with hindsight, prefer not to have done, but all of the steps that I took along the way led me to the Berkshire Belle and the love of my life. There is nothing to regret about prior relationships because they all taught me things that helped when it came to the big one. Likewise I do not regret my first marriage because it produced two children of whom I am proud. I regret the pain that comes when relationships end, but such things are all part of life.
None of us ask to be born, but we turn up, planned or not. What we do with the hand that we are dealt is largely up to us. There are always external factors that we can;’t control, but we can choose how we react to the slings and arrows and that will shape us. I have had a good life, even if I was, at times, bad. I am still reasonably fit, most of me still works pretty well albeit that some bits are well past there prime. I am still working as my eighth decade approaches and am making do with what I have.
Whatever talents I have do not include any that might make me immortal. I can’t paint or make music that will stand after I have gone. I write, but none of that is likely to live on too long after I go and I have not invented anything that might advance to race. I will not care once I am gone whether or not I am remembered and I am happy with that.
I have spent more than half of my adult life, almost half of my life for far, with the woman of my dreams and I am content. Immortality? You can keep it; I don’t want it.
life log #4
Odd how one thing leads to another. We have what sounds like a rat in the cavity wall between us and the house next door so I have been spending time in the loft trying to make sure that it does not come through. In shifting stuff out of the way I started to throw things out and, in going through one long forgotten box, I found many packets of photos.
Many of these were ones taken since the Berkshire Belle and I got together more than thirty years ago and, for one thing, chart the development of our from and back gardens down the years, but in amongst these were a few photos of me from the 1970s, pictures that I thought were long lost.
Most of them feature me in my long haired days between 1971 and 1974 and it was towards the end of the latter year that a change of job saw me start to have it cut a little shorter. By 1976 I was pretty conventional by comparison. There is also what is probably the only photo of me with a beard; I have worn one twice and didn’t like the look much either time. In the case of beard in the photo that I mention here I shaved it off whilst on holiday with my wife (the first one, my mother and wife wife’s mother and none of them noticed for a day and a half…
The first of the series of photos was taken about halfway though a bad time in my life between around February 1971 and March 1972, but from that point I made a change or two and started on a path that lead me from long haired layabout to polished professional as reflected in another photo taken of me in April 1994 whilst on a business trip buying materials handling equipment in Germany.
A lot of memories flowed from the photos and I can’t say that I am proud of all that I did on a personal level over those years. There were also some professional decisions that were questionable, but very step that I took, good and bad, led me to the Berkshire Belle so I have no regrets. The important things was that I recognised that I was in a hole that was, whilst not of my making, trapping me because of the way that I reacted to my troubles. I got out of the hole because I chose to and did something about it.
Back in the present I have a date in early April for the new fences and am starting to plan what to do once I have them. I foresee a lot of time fiddling and fettling in the garden over the coming months and so am hoping for some weather that will be conducive to getting things done. I don’t think that I will be spending as much on plants this year as usual, partly because I want to see what survives all of the changes, but also to see what the possibilities are. Last year was the first year for my new greenhouse and I did not do too well with it, possibly because I overloaded it. There were other factors, not least my long battle with the fox cubs that distracted me from some things and I have no idea what might come back this year from the destruction that the volt wrought. A consolidation year this year then.
I did try going back to soup making, my old faithful red pepper and tomato cropping up a couple of times. One batch usually does me four lunches and I don’t get bored with it. I still have not got around to weighing myself though and, as I write this, I am thinking that I will make sure the scales are put out before I go to bed so that I can check myself in the morning.
the lockdown log 26
Well, here we are on a bright, if cold, Thursday morning six months on from my first Lockdown Log. How time flies, but we could be in for another six months yet if not longer.
I have had my first three month review since being diagnosed as Diabetic type 2 and the first results are OK. I get the rest of the news next week when the blood test data comes through. The only negative for me so far is that my knackered kidneys are showing a fractional potassium deficiency, but I have been there before and will get back on the daily bananas. My feet have been examined and found acceptable and I go for my eye assessment tomorrow, fortunately the centre is a ten minute walk away so I have no transport problems for getting home.
On the project front my new shed is not coming until next month according to the latest estimate. Not great news, but I have plans, F, G and H ready to deploy as necessary. Hopefully the rain will hold off today and I can get a decent day’s work done out there.
Somewhere in the timetable I will try and fit in another exercise walk. Since I restarted doing these at the end of June I have racked up just over 200 km (125 miles) and am going to try and double that by the end of the year. Next year I am going to go for 1000 km in the full year just in exercise walking (I also do over 10 km a day at work five days a week, but that doesn’t count). At the moment I am contemplating trying a 10 km exercise walk. Accepting that I do that easily in four hours whilst getting paid for it and that I have been told to stop power walking on tarmac because of aging joints I reckon that 10 km is going to take me over two hours and my real reluctance is in investing that amount of time. Watch this space…
The Berkshire Belle is over her fears of going out and we have made a couple more shopping trips plus one to the doctor’s for her ‘flu jab (I had mine when I went for my diabetic tests). She loathes wearing a mask like many do, but it is one of the things that we have to put up with. At least she is past that dread of going out and that has to be good.
Autumn seems to be upon us and I am trying to remember that there are various annual jobs that need to be plugged into my assorted projects. The gutters need maintenance, bulbs need planting, leaves need clearing up and the Hawthorn is dropping a large quantity of its fruit all over the front lawn just to list a few. All of this keeps me busy and stops me thinking too much about the bad things going on around in the world. Ignorance is bliss and I am happy to maintain my own degree of oblivion.
I hope that you are all doing as well as you can, so stay safe out there wherever you are.
on life
The secret to a long life is to avoid dying. These things only become obvious later in life when you start to realise that the sands of your time seem to be slipping through the egg timer of life a little faster than they did when you were younger.
The Berkshire Belle and I both have birthdays coming up and whilst we don’t really do much to recognise such events these days they do tend to remind one of the end being closer; we are all dying one day at a time. I don’t mean to be maudlin here, just recognising a fact.
I don’t usually feel that I am nearing the end of my sixty eighth year of taking up space, but now and again bits of me do remind me that I am not eighteen any more. That, in turn, reminds me that over my years of working in business I replaced a lot of clapped out kit with newer and shinier stuff that worked better than its predecessor.
When I replaced anything I rarely gave any though to what would happen to it; I do not remember being sentimental about any of it and nature is like that with life. This is one of the things that I find abhorrent about modern life; the principle of not having losers. Nature is competitive. It rewards winners and casts aside losers. Yes it is hard, but that is the way of the world and to try and deny it is ridiculous.
For the time being I can still provide some useful function in life and contribute to society. I do not fear death. I know that it is coming (the Grim Reaper has had two or three tries already) and hope that it comes quietly when I am no longer any use. The one thing that I do fear is to become a drain on the community. If I can avoid that I will be very grateful.
Life is for living and I have not done too badly. I have certainly done things that I would now prefer not to have done, but everything that I did led me to the Berkshire Belle and, between our two birthdays, we celebrate thirty one years together this year. That is nearly half my life and I am very grateful that I walked a path that saw us come together.
Along the way I have done a few things that please or amuse me. Amongst these I have:
- Driven a main line steam engine
- Flown several aeroplanes
- Sailed a landing craft
- Driven a racing car
- Worked my way from the shop floor to the board room (and back)
- Had an armed escort to and from the office
- Walked through the front door at 10 Downing Street
- Worked in 9 countries across 4 continents
- Advised departments in the governments of 6 countries
- Had feature articles published by six magazines
- Written three books (so far)
- Lectured at an Oxford college
Very few of those things were on my mind as a boy and I doubt that anyone who knew me then expected me to have done much of that list. A good life so far and, hopefully, I can avoid dying for a few more productive and pleasurable years.
Stay safe and, at a suitable distance, have fun.
the lockdown log 6
Not quite nine o’clock and I have been working for about three and a half hours now, including a quick trip to my local Waitrose for a fix on some of the things we have not enjoyed for about two months. It has been a productive morning so far. Read more…
on a question of discipline
I wrote in a midweek blog recently about keeping one’s skills current when on furlough or just unable to work. With the Covid-19 lockdown continuing (this is being written two or three weeks ahead of publication) another skill comes to mind; that of discipline. Read more…
Dad’s Army had it right
Two of the immortal catch phrases from Dad’s Army are Corporal Jones’ “Don’t panic!” and Private Fraser’s “Doomed; we’re all doomed” and when I hear or read the news these days I often think of those characters and the circumstances that they uttered their lines. Read more…
on laughing at life
Last week I spent a day with a longstanding business associate helping him choose a new alarm, access control and general security package for his shop and warehouse. My preferred way of working on these projects is not to the traditional way of having the potential suppliers come to us, but for us to go to them. There is much to be learned from visiting your suppliers; are the offices tidy, do they give the impression of efficiency and organisation, do the people that you meet or see there look like they care about what they are doing and more. I always ask to go and meet the people that will answer our calls if we have a problem, the people who will be managing our installation and the people who deal with invoicing us. It all gives a picture of what you are really getting that the sales team can never convey in their pitch. Read more…
life lessons from a blind cat
A few months ago we noticed that our cat Tilly was a bit odd, or odder than usual, and then one evening she went out for her nine o’clock patrol and wasn’t back after the usual twenty minutes or so. Two hours later and after a couple of sessions checking the neighbourhood I started to come to terms with having lost her at which point she appeared back at the door. Read more…
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