Home > Happy Holidays Fun, The Monday Musings Column > Hillary, Rodney and Neville; an eternal triangle? more holiday humour from the #MondayMusings column

Hillary, Rodney and Neville; an eternal triangle? more holiday humour from the #MondayMusings column


(Dialogue: All with clipped tones, very stiff upper lip British middle class. An overacted Brief Encounter style)

(Background: Faint sounds of an office with occasional telephones ringing and bursts of typewriter noise)

(A door opens)

HILLARY:              You’ve come again Rodney

RODNEY:              Yes, Hillary, I’ve come again

HILLARY:              Somehow I knew you would

RODNEY:              I know you knew

HILLARY:              I know that you know I knew, yet, somehow, I couldn’t be sure you’d come. Deep down in my heart I knew, but my head doubted you; doubted your resolve.

RODNEY:              You doubted my resolve?

HILLARY:              Yes, I doubted. Even though I was sure, certain, somehow I was unsure, uncertain. Can you forgive me doubting you?

RODNEY:              Yes, I can forgive you. I too had a doubt, a nagging, needling doubt. A voice in my ear telling me that there would be no reason for me to come, even though I was certain that I would have to come, to see you again. To be able to tell you the things that I know you need to hear.

HILLARY:              And you have.

RODNEY:              Yes I have.

HILLARY:              I know.

RODNEY:              I know too.

HILLARY:              And you’ve come to tell me something that I’ve been waiting to hear from you?

RODNEY:              I have

HILLARY:              Then tell me. Tell me now while we are still alone for he will be back at any moment.

RODNEY:              He will?

HILLARY:              He will.

RODNEY:              I must see him.

HILLARY:              Must you?

RODNEY:              I must. I must speak to you both. What I have to say must be said to him as well.

HILLARY (In desperation):            But why? Why can’t you just tell me? (Sound of approaching footsteps) Quickly, this could be him!

RODNEY:              I know.

HILLARY:              He’ll find you here with me: He’ll know then.

RODNEY:              I know. He must find me. He must know.

HILLARY:              He must? He may not want to hear this; why must he know from you?

RODNEY:              I need to tell him. I have to be strong and face him.

HILLARY:              Face him! Tell him? Why can’t you just tell me?

RODNEY:              Yes. I must tell him; it’s better that I tell you together. (Sound of door opening)

NEVILLE:              Rodney! What are you doing here? Hillary my dear! You’re upset! What has he been saying to you?

RODNEY:              Good morning Neville. I need to tell you both. I can’t hold it off any longer. You must understand that this is something that I cannot control; it’s something bigger than any of us.

NEVILLE (Sternly):              What is it? What have you to say for yourself?

HILLARY (Sobbing):              Yes! Tell us! Please?

RODNEY (Business like):              Sorry and all that; we can still do your office redecoration, but the budget has been cut and you’ll have to wait until this autumn before we can fit you in.

(Orchestra; music)

With grateful thanks to Barry Took and Marty Feldman for the script inspiration and to Betty Marsden and Hugh Paddick for their Fiona and Charles vocal interpretation in the Beyond our Ken and Round the Horne shows that livened up my childhood Sundays.

A selection of the radio shows are available on CD here.




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